The Testimony of Carla Andrews

I came to Durham last October 26th trying to overcome a crack/cocaine addiction. I was at a point that I no longer had any control over any part of my life. My addiction controlled me. After trying desperately to quit using drugs and failing, I decided that it would be easier to die than to go on living a life that continually hurt the people I loved. I was tired of being a disappointment to everyone and no one seemed to understand that my problem was not something that I enjoyed anymore. It was a means of survival. My warped sense of thinking convinced me that if I died, it would be a one time hurt and everyone could go on with their lives. Well, I woke up in a hospital room in Greensboro, NC angry that I couldn’t even do that right. My life was a mess and I had no idea what in the world I was going to do. A counselor came to visit me several times and told me of a place called the Durham Rescue Mission.

I started using about four years ago. At first it was easy and it worked. It took away the feelings of unworthiness the low self-esteem and the hatred that I felt because I wasn’t what I thought that I should be. I was able to wear my mask when I didn’t want to be me and able to take it off when I had to be me.

My addiction progressed rapidly. I came to a point that I knew something had to be done. My family, who had once been the center of my world, had been pushed aside and neglected. They were living with a stranger. I hated myself even more. I looked in the mirror and all I could see was disgust. I came clean with my family and told them of my secret that I had hidden for almost a year. My mom took my children and told me that when I got my act together, they could come home. 

I decided that it was finally time to get some professional help so off to rehab I went. I thought this would take care of the problem and that miraculously I would be fixed. I stayed clean for about 30 days and then picked up right where I had left off, only this time it was worse. I started lying, cheating and stealing...whatever it took. Eventually, I lost everything, my home, my car, a well respected job that I had worked at for almost 13 years but most of all my entire family turned their back on me. I spiraled hard, hitting rock bottom, taking down everyone and everything that got in my way. I continued to play the games of up and down with a little clean time here and there for the next 2 years until that dreaded day when I awoke in that empty hospital room still alive. My family and friends were all used up and hospitals don’t keep homeless people, so it was time to get real and consider the mission. 

I came to the mission as a last resort only looking for a place to stay until I could come up with a plan. I figured I could fake it until I could work something out. God had another plan for me. I eventually opened my heart thinking that maybe God was real and he could help me too. I had tried to do this thing on my own and my way of thinking is what had gotten me here. Needless to say, it’s been almost a year and I’m still here and I’m still clean. I now have a Father that knows I’m going to make mistakes and he’s ready to forgive me.

This Mission has introduced me to a whole new life. Bible classes have taught me where to get my answers for the good things in life as well as the bad. Ms. White gives me good godly counsel, encourages me and guides me when I need it. Ms. Estelle shares her love, her experience, and her wisdom, but puts me in my place when needed. I’m blessed with the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of the children that come to our mission by working in the daycare. Thanks to the mission, I’ve been given the opportunity to go to school. My family is starting to believe in me as they see the changes in my life. My children can look at me and no longer be ashamed. I’m glad that God didn’t allow me to die that day. I know he has big plans for me.

October 2006 Graduate 
Carla Andrews